It is said that Socrates was great at asking questions, but rarely provided his own answers. It’s easy to understand why, as definitions hem us in and become the weapons that our interlocutors turn against us. Masculinity is a feature of life, but any definition can be caricatured or distorted. It is far easier to take a hammer, especially a sledgehammer, to another’s definition of masculinity, while failing to construct one’s own definition.
Speaking of constructs, masculinity is not a social construct, but a creational category. If masculinity is simply something that society invented, then the definition of masculinity must change as society changes, and we men are all lost upon the sea of social expectations. But if masculinity is rooted deeper than DNA – that is, if masculinity is as necessary to a man as oxygen is to our cells -then it can be discovered and nurtured. It may express itself distinctively within individual cultures, but the essence remains the same.
It is painful, being a man, to have to assert the privilege, or the burden, which Christianity lays upon my own sex. I am crushingly aware how inadequate most of us are, in our actual and historical individualities, to fill the place prepared for us. But it is an old saying in the army that you salute the uniform not the wearer. Only one wearing the masculine uniform can (provisionally, and till the Parousia) represent the Lord to the Church: for we are all, corporately and individually, feminine to Him. We men may often make very bad priests. That is because we are insufficiently masculine. It is no cure to call in those who are not masculine at all. – Lewis, God in the Dock
Because I am a better man that Socrates (HA!) I will put forth a definition of masculinity. I have toyed with a few different concepts over the years but I’m leaning towards something like this:
Masculinity is the humble, joyful assumption of bestowed responsibility.
If you took out the adverbs/adjectives, it would boil down to the assumption of responsibility. This is obviously core, but I think the adjectives/adverbs are necessary in order to avoid certain perversions of true masculinity. And as we are trying to get down to the essential nature of masculinity, we must only include such descriptors as are absolutely necessary. So to repeat, being a man is about humbly and joyfully assuming the responsibility that is bestowed upon us.
Bestowed Responsibility
As soon as a definition is given, the sledgehammers come out. In our egalitarian age, one criticism is bound to take the approach of, “Are you saying that women don’t assume responsibility?”. Ah, to answer a fool according to his folly or to not answer a fool according to his folly…such a dilemma. Let’s answer the fool. Of course women assume responsibility, but the heart of femininity is less about taking responsibility than it is about nurturing people. Men are accomplishment oriented and women are relationship oriented. Men are interested in things and how they work while women are interested in people and how they relate. Are all of these generalizations? Absolutely. Still, the distinction remains valid. Adam was made to look outward, towards the world in which God had placed him. Eve was made to look at Adam, and then to their offspring.
But masculinity requires more than assuming responsibility. It requires assuming the right responsibilities, which is why my definition calls for “bestowed” responsibilities. Who bestows the responsibilities? God does. Adam is called to work and protect the garden not only for the sake of the garden, but for the sake of his family. Adam is called to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. Men are to take upon themselves the responsibilities to which God has called them, meaning that there is an order of priorities that masculinity demands. Abandoning one’s family is a great violation of biblical masculinity because it is an abdication of a primary, fundamental calling that cannot be counterbalanced by a successful career or other accomplishments.
Humility and Joy
So God sets the order of priorities for the responsibilities to which men are called and as a man faithfully assumes those responsibilities, his realm of responsibility widens. Now we must consider humility and joy, which I claim are integral to the way in which masculinity assumes responsibility. Some kind of modifiers are necessary, because it is possible to assume responsibility in a really perverse way that does not incarnate masculinity. I have chosen humility and joy as the fundamental descriptors of the masculine way.
For classical Western concepts of masculinity, humility seems like an odd choice, just as the meekness of Christ seems like an odd choice for the Savior of the world (Phil 2). Humility actually requires a man to assume responsibility because it places a man under the authority of God, and a man without an authority outside of himself becomes authoritarian. A man who does not know how to submit should not demand submission. All who find themselves in positions of authority due to assuming responsibility discover that they have become servant to all.
Since humility requires a man to assume the responsibilities God bestows upon him, it also removes the cravenness of excuse making, even plausible excuse making. For example, God wasn’t having it when Moses thought God should send someone else. God didn’t say, “I’m so glad I chose someone as humble as you!” but instead rumbled with anger at Moses. Why? Because Moses was refusing to accept the responsibility God was putting on his shoulders. We are not living in a society where fatherlessness is the damning sin as a result of men being so humble, but as a result of a lack of humility among men.
Psa 19:5 Which is as a bridegroom coming out of his chamber, and rejoiceth as a strong man to run a race.
The second characteristic that I think is necessary to true masculinity is joy. God exults in His own works (Psalm 104) and in His own strength (Isaiah 40). A man who is not joyful in using his strength to fulfill his responsibilities is lacking something essential to masculinity. The joy of accomplishment is tempered by the thorns and thistles of the ground, but there is still truth in the old cliché regarding the satisfaction of a job well done. When a man assumes his responsibility, then finds the strength – not just physical strength, but also the will, the sagacity, the ingenuity, etc…. – to fulfill that responsibility, he is joyful.
There is a kind of counterfeit pleasure that comes from meaningless accomplishments, like video games. The dopamine effect is the same, but the difference is stark. Having said that, men admire all sorts of different strengths in one another. Historically, physical strength has been admired (and still is) but men admire in one another all sorts of strength. The Inklings admired one another’s literary strengths. Neighbors admire one another’s mechanical strengths. Anything that helps one “get the job done” better or faster is admirable to other men, and often mysterious to women. If two couples live next to each other, the husbands know more about each other’s lawn mowers, and the wives know more about each other’s marriages. For the one oriented to “getting the job done”, the lawn mower matters more.
But I digress. Even in a world where we live “by the sweat of our brow”, which in the modern world means not the frustrations of the farming life, but the frustrations of modernity: corporations, bureaucracy, taxes, etc… there is joy in assuming the responsibility for one’s family.
Application and Questions
Make a list of your specific responsibilities and how you fulfill them. Use this to determine whether you are prioritizing (spending your time, energy, and money) on the things that matter most.
What responsibilities drain or discourage you? The lack of joy in these indicates that you haven’t yet discovered how to use your strength to perform them well. Keep these in mind over the coming months as you pray for God to give you wisdom and grace.
What responsibilities are you NOT assuming? What are you avoiding? What are you making excuses about?
Nathan Writes 